I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
