he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
