This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
