I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
