I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize