oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
