I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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