I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
