Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize