OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
