Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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