the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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