dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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