She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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