Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize