I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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