chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
