He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
