we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
