vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The dick lei will go down in squad history
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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