Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
whose parrot is this?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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