Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
