why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
