Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
