Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
