I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
