Me. At least after what I've been through.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
