I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he puts the penis in happiness.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
