Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
