i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
