I'm eating all of the evidence.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
