Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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