I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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