Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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