i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize