uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
