I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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