I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
