He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
