Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize