Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
