he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
