Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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