When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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