that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
