i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
