I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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