i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
