Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
