Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
