How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
well I can't set my house on fire every night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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