chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
