The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize