So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
