you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
