capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
