"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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