I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
