i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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