we have officially lost it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
