girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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