I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i think my cat just said my name.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
