I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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