dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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