I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
